Dealing With depression, isolation, chronic pain
Created By Jani Larsen On 31 May, 2009
List all Experiences:
Added By Jani Larsen On May 31, 2009, 12:00 am
Country: US
I have been a super athlete my entire life. I was in the Military and accomplished some great things. I have always been an over achiever. I went through college on the Dean's List every semester, and landed a very high paying, high demanding job after.
About 3 years after I graduated, I started getting burning pain, numbness and tingling in my right pinkie finger. It then grew to my hand and entire forearm. I started having exams on my arm and what they found was nerve damage. The damage was in my right elbow, caused by an injury that occurred while in Panama as an MP.
I was given Gabapentine, an anti seizure med. It helped a little with the pain, but not a lot. I went through other drug treatments in the following years, some more painful than the initial trauma.
By then, the living with the constant pain everyday started taking a toll on my mental health. I became so depressed, I had no idea I was in depression! There ensued a tide of pain problems and mental issues.
I had played volleyball for college and went through some minor knee surgery at the time, well, it wasn't long before my knees started giving out.
My mind was so full of pain, my body was not able to move.
I was then diagnosed with Fibromyalgia along with the neuropathy of my right arm, depression, and bad knees. (Knees so bad the Orthopedist said he was very surprised I could walk at all.)
I was in so much pain I isolated myself from the world. Once, I had friends and kept busy every day. Now, I was stuck at home, in bed and feeling miserable for myself.
My husband could not understand any of this AT ALL! That is a whole other story!
I started volunteering at the VA hospital (they had done so much for me, I wanted to repay them). I started out with a bare minimum of hours. I got winded walking through the halls (with a walker) and when I got home I could only lay in bed.
Today, I am volunteering for an organization that has become instrumental in my path to recovery. The American Chronic Pain Association. Through them I volunteer, organizing peer support groups and working with people in pain.
I will never fully recover; it doesn't take much to fall back in to the depression, (which was so bad I did try killing myself).
My thought is this...I KNOW I deal with a lot of pain daily, but I feel like I am standing in the way of my own recovery, afraid to get back in to that fully functional, productive member of society. My health problems preclude me from full time employment now, but I am a little scared to face the world head on. It is actually the first time I have failed. (My body failed me) I am not very excited about going out there and giving it another try. I know I will need lots of surgery and recovery to get to that point, but, in a way, I am happy to keep myself in this secluded state, guarded from all the unknowns of the scary world of normalcy. How about you?
About 3 years after I graduated, I started getting burning pain, numbness and tingling in my right pinkie finger. It then grew to my hand and entire forearm. I started having exams on my arm and what they found was nerve damage. The damage was in my right elbow, caused by an injury that occurred while in Panama as an MP.
I was given Gabapentine, an anti seizure med. It helped a little with the pain, but not a lot. I went through other drug treatments in the following years, some more painful than the initial trauma.
By then, the living with the constant pain everyday started taking a toll on my mental health. I became so depressed, I had no idea I was in depression! There ensued a tide of pain problems and mental issues.
I had played volleyball for college and went through some minor knee surgery at the time, well, it wasn't long before my knees started giving out.
My mind was so full of pain, my body was not able to move.
I was then diagnosed with Fibromyalgia along with the neuropathy of my right arm, depression, and bad knees. (Knees so bad the Orthopedist said he was very surprised I could walk at all.)
I was in so much pain I isolated myself from the world. Once, I had friends and kept busy every day. Now, I was stuck at home, in bed and feeling miserable for myself.
My husband could not understand any of this AT ALL! That is a whole other story!
I started volunteering at the VA hospital (they had done so much for me, I wanted to repay them). I started out with a bare minimum of hours. I got winded walking through the halls (with a walker) and when I got home I could only lay in bed.
Today, I am volunteering for an organization that has become instrumental in my path to recovery. The American Chronic Pain Association. Through them I volunteer, organizing peer support groups and working with people in pain.
I will never fully recover; it doesn't take much to fall back in to the depression, (which was so bad I did try killing myself).
My thought is this...I KNOW I deal with a lot of pain daily, but I feel like I am standing in the way of my own recovery, afraid to get back in to that fully functional, productive member of society. My health problems preclude me from full time employment now, but I am a little scared to face the world head on. It is actually the first time I have failed. (My body failed me) I am not very excited about going out there and giving it another try. I know I will need lots of surgery and recovery to get to that point, but, in a way, I am happy to keep myself in this secluded state, guarded from all the unknowns of the scary world of normalcy. How about you?