Have you put on weight? This is your “new” haircut? What is this lipstick shade? Any girl/woman who has friends of the same sex has been victim of emotional trauma due to the curve balls thrown at her in the form of such vicious questions. I am 24 years old and I have felt terribly hurt at one point or another when faced with these questions. Sometimes I really wonder if poking these people back is worthwhile, or ignorance really is bliss in this matter. Till date, I have not been able to solve this dilemma. At 21, when I had just commenced my first job, I was pretty confident that I had made peace with my body, style and self-esteem. But then little did I know how I would react when trying to swim against the tide in a pool full of 20 something girls. Being a chubby kid and a plump teenager I always suffered from lack of confidence and started being overly-critical of myself. But as I was kind of intelligent, I would ask questions like “I am looking so fat no?” to people I know will not affirm the same. Till date, I never cease to ask my boyfriend, at least once a day if I am fat, as I know he is never going to say “yes hon, you need to drop a size”. And he really dreads the days, when any outsider comments on my weight, as he knows endless questions and bitching is on its way home. We know exactly what triggers us, and no girl wants to hear these statements, but somehow we keep doing it to others and complain bitterly when they do the same to us. What’s with the double standards of us smart, vibrant and independent spirited souls? Most of us are so obsessed with our bodies and negative about our appearances that criticising someone else for their looks, gives us some sort of sadistic pleasure. So before they can be mean to us, we punish them in advance with our unkind words. Like Lindsay Lohan mentions in the best chick flick I have ever seen – Mean Girls. “Calling someone else fat will not make you any thinner, and calling someone dumb will definitely not make you any smarter”. Poking someone for what’s wrong with them, helps us forget how miserable we are for the time being. It’s like robbing someone of their energy when you are drained out. In my case, however, the funny thing is it’s always been the overweight pack of girls who comment about my weight. Few years back I knew this girl who had joined the gym to tone up. She wasn’t really fat, but she truly believed that there is always room for improvement. She had bought smart gym gear and had started working out with full gusto. Pumping it out, running on the treadmill and trying to eat “healthy” were all part of her new life. She had shared her new routine with all her “friends” as she was really excited about incorporating an exercise schedule in her daily life. Her close friend, twice her size, who was always busy proving to others that she is happy with her looks, met her on a sunny Saturday afternoon. She checked her out from head to toe, and started with her usual “loose talk”. Your stomach is still jutting out and nothing has changed about hunch back either. The gym girl felt as if someone had given a low blow in the solar plexus. Too stunned and heartbroken, she had no words to put the chunky girl in her place. She pondered over it for a few days and eventually forgot about it. But what exactly did her friend get by making her feel that way. Venturing a guess, I think she was having a bad day herself and the venom had to be spilt somewhere. And what better opportunity than this! We humans have been blessed with a mind so that we can put it to good use, and not abuse it in being critical about others. Someone has been putting effort and striving for a particular goal, and others can’t even validate it, let alone appreciate it. Words once said cannot be taken back, hence we have always been told to use them wisely. But are we aware of what we speak on most occasions? Or are we vomiting out the garbage stuffed inside our own heads in the form of invalidations which we have accumulated over the years from others. So the next time you comment on someone else’s body or looks, hold your thought and analyse if it’s really about the other person or it’s just YOU!