‘Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.’

As the Beatles croon away on my speakers this evening, I sit here and think about how impactful those three little words are.

I used to be the type of person that held on to grudges forever. Hurtful words uttered by ill-meaning people and let-downs used to simmer around in my mind for ages. I would rehash negative situations in my head over and over again, thinking of clever come-backs I should have said or actions I could have taken. Heart-breaks and break-ups would plague me for a long time; soulful sad songs and weepy movies just adding more fuel to the emotional fire. Talking to other similar-minded people I realized it was so common among us to keep thinking about and analyzing every little thing an ex had done or how a friend had slighted us. Our brains simmer and steam with all these negative thoughts, which more often than not lead to a very self destructive blow up. It is an easy trap we fall into i.e. letting our pasts run our present rather than learning from it and moving on. We don’t realize that despite the time, energy and thought we put into such things, the people concerned have no clue and are happy getting on with their day to day lives; ultimately the only one affected is the one with all the baggage.

I don’t know how and when the shift in my psyche took place, but I’m definitely glad it did! Part of it was conscious and part of it I guess was a basic human evolution. One of my main outlets was writing. By writing down what I felt, I would slowly feel less burdened. Every word eased a little bit of hurt or disillusionment. I also decided to shed the baggage and do more to make my life the way I want it to be and filled it with the people I actually want around me. Distancing myself from toxic relationships and stopping myself from delving into negative memories are steps that helped a great deal.

So now when I face a negative situation I let myself think about it for a little while, cry or vent if I need to and then set the negativity free. Things or people hurt us once and we let it hurt us over and over because we can’t let go. And frankly, I’m worth more than that.

I spend a few months in Manali every one or two years on a yoga holiday. Last time I was there I was doing 2 classes a day with Swamiji and then going to the hot sulpher spring for a bath in the village above to recover from swamijis vigorous classes. On one such bath, I ended up being there for an hour, my muscles loose and feeling quite spaced out and giggly! When I got back to my room I realised that I had forgotten my shampoo and soap there so went back to get it.. but it was too late.. had already been claimed by someone else!

I told Swamiji about this incident saying I was so relaxed that I forgot my things. He said that's not relaxation, it's behoshi or drunkenness/ unconsciousness. Relaxation is always with awareness and consciousness. It's really interesting that many of the ways we try to relax ourselves are so unhealthy for us. We have all experienced during our holidays in some quiet place how we all turn into great philosophers and have some bang on insights about our lives. Real Let go or Surrender will only come in a state of relaxation.

Being born human, one of the most difficult things for us to do is let go. As most enlightened masters have blatantly said “attachment leads to misery” we know exactly why most of us are not there yet. It was ok if letting go for just about possessions and materialistic things. But the tug-of-war takes place when it happens in a human to human connection.

Take parents for example; everyone from adolescents to those in their 40s find it hard to come out of the parental worm-hole. It often begins when the child starts college and experiences the world outside in the true sense. He or she is nervous with the amount of body, mind changes taking place and to spoil the journey there is constant resistance from parents. Guilt, deceit and frustration are the commonly shared emotions at this juncture by both parties involved. Parents feel that years of their hard work and sacrifice has been flushed down the toilet and children feel that their mutation from cocoon to a beautiful butterfly has been hampered by none other than their birth givers.

I have known few people who strongly believe that family comes first and there is nothing worth going against your parents for. Earlier I used to see it as a form of respect, love and family values these children hold, for the parents who gave them the gift of life. But as I dove deep into it, I realized that all these were surface motives clearly visible to those on the periphery. You ask what’s the ulterior motive? In my opinion (which I respectfully don’t thrust on others) it is innate fear of the unknown. This may be especially true in case of Indian parents and children. Children have constantly witnessed over the years, that how their parents have been utterly respectful and submissive to their grand parents. The Karta system, where the head of the family and family business calls all the shots and holds the reins and other members of the family joyfully accept his decisions as their own, or at least think of them as the ones taken to guard their best interest. But how true is the respect and mutual understanding part in this story? Is it that the children are afraid that they will never be able to make it own their own, set up their own careers or independently avail of the luxuries without parental support? Or is it the ultimate guilt of going against the people who have sacrificed their whole life only to give you a wholesome life?

We would really like to call ourselves the evolved generation of the 21st century. Where hubby No.3 is not a big deal and lesbian lovers taking vows is a freedom of expression. But how far have we evolved when the same things take place in our own family? Are we accepting these circumstances with open arms, or glossing them up so that the society thinks of us as “normal”. What happened to “to each its own” and “live and let live”. And as far as doing the “right” things is concerned, who the hell made these rules that we are blindly following? Was it a wise man who learnt his bit through the vicious circle of life and death? Or was it some random guy stoned on pot who just had nothing better to do!