Friendships are extremely baffling. Sometimes you get used to the nuances of certain people and the way they treat you. And if you have known them for a long time, you accept them for who they are with their eccentricities. Lately, however, I am having a hard time being around people I once happily liked the way they were. Some of their annoying habits got to me back then as well, but I never thought that I wanted out.

It’s very confusing; sometimes when you are stuck in a limbo you carry on with your horrible job and think maybe there’s nothing better outside. It’s also surprising how something negative too can provide comfort when it’s been around for a while.  Anyway, just the other day an episode with some of my friends made my mind boggle and I was posed with an inevitable question – do I really need this? It can be hard to keep up with the stresses of everyday life – work, bills, chores, etc. So when the weekend arrives you can’t help but anticipate good times like a puppy awaiting its master at the end of the day. So isn’t it vital that we surround ourselves with people who are positive, joyful and those who bring out the best of us. Yes, I am very aware of the fact that no relationship is perpetually blissful; even friendships have their ups and downs. But what do you do when certain people always make you feel down, suck your energy and have zilch positive effect of your life?

I have always been a person who holds respect and personal space in high regard. How others treat me is very important to me. This is often viewed by other people as “defensive behaviour” and “taking everything too personally”. So to such people only those individuals who take their loose talks and snide comments with a smiling face are good friends. Thanks but no thanks; I am not so desperate to be on the list of your good friends. I love and respect myself way too much to entertain your negative energies.

My favourite book – A New Earth said in a chapter, the ego takes everything personally. In fact, some egos are so bruised that they go that extra mile and constantly wait for the other to offend them so that they can feel bad, it is literally like waiting for the next opportunity to feel ill-treated or ridiculed and then make an issue out of it. I tried very hard not to take offence when snide comments were directed at me indirectly. With few old friends, I even cleared the air and told them these are my trigger points, so please refrain from touching upon those areas. But somehow this scenario kept playing and replaying again and again? I know what you resist persists; but I just thought to myself, why would I deliberately put myself in situations where I know I am going to be bombarded with unpleasant situations and then try to prove that I don’t take offence. I guess the number of people trying to evade your space is directly proportional to the size of the wall you create. So why be in the company of people who are only trying to climb the wall for easy access poking? Am I so addicted to their negativity? Hell no! I am done thinking of clever comebacks and feeding their egos, and frankly there is a lot more to do in life than putting people in their place, which beyond a point only feels like a waste of time and energy. And I don’t have either in abundance to waste.

My heart goes out to anyone who has ever been in a toxic friendship. Know that you deserve better, and more importantly know that only you can take charge of who can or cannot be part of your life. I just remembered a famous saying “friends are the family God forgot to give us”. Sometimes when you have an annoying uncle or a nosey aunt, you can’t help but question – why the hell am I related to this person!! At least with friends it’s always a matter of choice; then why not make good choices?

Who you invite in your home, life and your personal space should be worth every second you spend with them. Another famous saying to perfectly end this article – man is known by the company he keeps. So the next time you bicker about a friend, remember that they are still in your life and it reflects just as much on you as it reflects on him/her. So do something about it or stop complaining!