My Experience: Sarah Maria, Body Image Expert
Description:
Author: Sarah Maria

Sarah Maria is a body-image expert who helps people learn how to love their bodies and love their lives. Her book, Love Your Body, Love Your Life, will be available in November '09. She combines ancient spiritual wisdom with modern transformational techniques to help people create a body and a life that they love. Her work has been endorsed by well-known authors and spiritual teachers, including Deepak Chopra and Marci Shimoff (featured teacher in The Secret), among others, as well as by numerous physicians and psychologists. Learn more about her and her work at www.breakfreebauty.com.

Stop Apologizing and Start Living. That’s right. I have recently become aware of an interesting phenomenon - many of us apologize all the time. It might be an apology where you actually say “I’m Sorry”, but it might be much more subtle. It is a way that we silently apologize for who we are, as if we are somehow flawed and need to apologize for taking up space.

Now stay with me here a second. This is a subtle concept, but it has profound implications for your life. Let me explain.

Do you:

* Have an ability to sense how other people are feeling?
* Do you generally like to be a nice person?
* Do you want to make the world a better place?
* Do you want people to like you?
* Do you like to promote peace?
* Do you know, deep down, that you have a
deep capacity to love?
* Do you experience compassion and empathy for others?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you probably have a tendency to apologize without even knowing it.

Here is how it happens:

You want to make people feel good; you want to be a good person; you want to spread love instead of hatred. You don’t want to be selfish, or offend, or cause any trouble. You don’t want to disappoint, or let people down. Your wonderful intentions slowly translate into habitual apologizing.

* Since you don’t want to offend, you apologize for
anything you do that might aggravate someone else.

* Since you want to help, you apologize for any
way that you might disappoint.

* Since you want to be kind, you apologize for
anything that might be perceived as unkind.

* Since you sense how other people feel, you apologize for
anything that might upset them.

* Since you don’t want to seem selfish, you apologize
for your success.

This trait is ubiquitous when it comes to body image and weight. The way we relate to our bodies can become a walking apology.

Here is what the silent apology sounds like:

“I am overweight - I am sorry for taking up space.”
“I need to lose weight - I am sorry I have failed.”
“I need to starve myself so I don’t take up too much space.”
“I am sorry I ate too much or too little”

Body image is just one way that this tendency shows up - there are many other ways as well:

*You might apologize for failing but apologize for your success as well.

*You might apologize to your friends, your children, or your spouse.

*You might apologize for being ill and yet apologize for your health as well.

It is beautiful to want to make the world a better place, to help others feel good, to love and to offer empathy. But like anything, there can be a downside.

Here is the key:

Know when to draw your boundaries, and be willing to do it.

When you live in this state of constant apologizing it can lead to both self-destructive behavior and allow for others to take advantage of you.

Learn to differentiate between a healthy apology and the type of apologizing that implies something is wrong with you, or that you are not important. Begin to notice how you feel - does the apology make you feel better by itself, or is the apology really saying, “Please love me and tell me I am okay and that I can feel good about myself.”

If it is the latter, know that you might need to draw some boundaries and affirm your own lovability to yourself.

Remember, I am not talking about apologizing where you know you have done something mean or dishonest or offensive and it is simply appropriate to apologize. No, I am talking about the apology that comes from believing that something is wrong with you, that you aren’t deserving of the very best that life has to offer. It is the apology that allows other people to take advantage of you and prevents you from experiencing yourself as truly beautiful, loveable, and worthwhile.

Trust yourself. Know you are deserving of love, abundance, and grace.

Stop apologizing; start living, and discover that you can create a life that you love.

Notice today how you apologize, and remind yourself that you can be loving and kind while also drawing the boundaries that will keep you safe, secure, and protected.