It takes two people to create and maintain a cycle of conflict. It only takes one person to end it.

The cycle of conflict is like a tennis volley. It takes two people to keep the volley going. It only takes one to end it. As soon as someone refuses to return the serve, the volley is over. By resisting the truth of the way the other person is, you destroy love and fuel the conflict. The key to ending the cycle of conflict is simple. Stop fueling the fire.

Use the steps in this section to let go of the resisting and to heal your relationship, one human being to another.

1. Find and heal the hurt that has been reactivated by the other person.

Ultimately, you are non-accepting because the other person has triggered some hurt in you. As you heal this hurt, the need to resist disappears. You can then interact in a way that creates love instead of destroying it.

2. Give the person full permission to be the way he or she is.

Notice that the other person is the way he or she is whether you like it or not. Your feelings are totally irrelevant. Hating the way someone is doesn't change a thing. That person is still exactly the way he or she is. When you fight the truth of how someone is, you fuel the cycle of conflict and you lose your ability to see what needs to be done. When you are at peace with the way someone is, you see your situation clearly. You can see what needs to be done and you can do it in a way that is supportive.

3. Forgive the person.

When you resent someone, a big part of you closes down. You lose your aliveness and your peace of mind. You become bitter and lose your ability to love. You also interact in a way that creates opposition and resistance against yourself. Forgiveness is not for the other person, forgiveness is for you.

4. Accept full 100% responsibility for the loss of love.

Relationships are not 50/50. They are 100/100. Each person is 100% responsible for the presence or absence of love in a relationship. Once you see your 100%, you become very effective in your relationship.

5. Let the person go.

When you hang on to someone, you push the person away. The person feels controlled and has to fight for breathing room. Just look at how you feel when someone hangs on to you. To have any relationship work, you have to be willing to lose the person.

6. See that you are just like the other person.

Any characteristic that you can't stand in another person is an aspect of you that you can't stand in yourself. Once you see that this characteristic is also in you, your resistance towards the other person gets replaced with compassion. You also become more at peace with yourself.

7. Get with the person and clean up your relationship.

Once you let go of your resistance towards someone, the next step is to get with the person and clean up your relationship. Tell the person that you have had some major self-discoveries and that you want your relationship to work, one human being to another.

Take full responsibility for what happened and ask the person to please forgive you. If you have been hanging on, give the person freedom to leave. Say whatever you need to say to clean up your relationship. Then follow your statement up with action.

Make sure the other person always feels loved, accepted and appreciated. Every time you interact with someone, you will either create love or destroy love, and whatever you give will come right back. So put the focus on ending the conflict, healing the hurt and restoring the love, one human being to another. As you do this, you heal your relationship and your life becomes a lot more enjoyable.

If you want to make a profound difference in your relationships, attend our relationship workshops, make an appointment, and get the Mastery of Life Audio Course.