If you can’t be at peace with the truth of the way someone is, your relationship won’t have a chance.

My wife and I have a black and white cat. No matter how much I want that cat to bark, it isn’t going to. I can yell at the cat. I can get upset at the cat and I can lecture the cat. But no matter what I do, that cat sill isn’t going to bark.

If you have a relationship that isn’t working, you have a cat that isn’t barking – and you are fighting it. That person is the way he or she is whether you like it or not. Your feelings are totally irrelevant. That person is still the way he or she is. If you can’t be at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you are guaranteed to destroy love and sabotage your relationship.

There are 5 very destructive things that happen when you fight the truth:

 1. You get upset.

Instantly, you close down inside. You lose your ability to see clearly and become very negative. All you can do is fight, resist, hang on or withdraw. This then makes your situation worse.

Fortunately, upsets are not caused by what happens. They are caused by fighting and resisting what happens.

To see this in your life, find a time when you were upset. Now notice what would happen to the upset if you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset. There would be no upset because the upset wasn’t caused by what happened. It was caused by fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears.

The moment this happens, you restore both your peace of mind and your ability to see clearly. You then become very effective in handling your situation. Learn more about upsets.

2. You destroy love and create conflict.

Notice how you feel when someone is non-accepting, judgmental or critical towards you. It hurts. You get upset and close down inside. You put up your walls of protection and automatically become non-accepting, judgmental or critical towards the other person.

The same thing happens when you resist the way another person is. No matter what words you use, the message you communicate comes across loud and clear. “You are not okay the way you are.”

That person gets hurt, puts up his or her walls of protection and gives it right back to you. Then you get more upset and become more critical towards the other person. Then the other person gets more upset and becomes more critical towards you.

By your fighting and resisting the way that person is, you destroy love and fuel the cycle of conflict.

3. You magnify whatever you are resisting.

Resisting is probably the single most destructive thing that we do in our lives. This is because resisting creates opposition. To say this another way, resisting magnifies whatever you resist.

Imagine 4 yellow balloons on the ceiling above you. Now, whatever you do, don’t think about them. You just thought about them. Don’t do that. What happens when you resist the yellow balloons? You have yellow balloons everywhere. The same principle applies in every area of your life. Whatever you resist gets stronger.

Look at what happens when you resist the way someone is. You magnify the very characteristic that you are resisting. That characteristic grows in your perception and it shows up more in the world around you. Resisting does not make a situation clear up. It magnifies it. Look in your life and see how true this is.

4. You give away your power.

When you resist the way someone is, you give that person all your power. You become like a puppet at the end of the string. Whatever that person does, you react.

Subconsciously, you are saying that the other person is the problem and that there is nothing you can do about it. This makes you a victim and takes away your power.

It’s also a lie. There is always something you can do about it. Once you take your focus off of the other person and put your focus on finding solutions, you get your power back.

5. You destroy your ability to see what needs to be done.

When you fight the truth of the way someone is, you destroy your ability to see the truth. When you can’t see the truth, you can’t see what you need to do.

For example, there was a lady I once worked with that had a tendency to not keep her word. She would promise me that she would do something and I would rely on her. Then she wouldn’t do it and I had to pay the consequences.

This went on for years. I did everything I could to get her to keep her word with me, but nothing worked. I kept relying on her and kept paying the consequences.

 Finally I had a realization that changed my life. “She is unreliable.” Once I let in this truth, I could see what I needed to do. I needed to stop relying on her. I couldn’t see the truth before, because I didn’t want that to be the truth. So instead of interacting with her based on the way that she was, I interacted with her based on how I wanted her to be.

This same thing is happening in any relationship that isn’t working. There is a gap between the way the person is and how we expect the person to be. Once you surrender to the truth of the way someone is, you can see what you need to do. You may not like the truth, but at least you can see it.

Also, surrendering to the truth doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take action. On the contrary, surrendering to the truth allows you to see what action you need to take.

If you want to make a profound difference in your relationships, attend our workshops, make an appointment, and get the Mastery of Life Audio Course.